Learn to have as many Orgasms as you want, at the drop of a hat. Fully Own Your Pleasure and Connect with your Orgasmic Power.
It’s so frustrating to have sex and feel like nothing is going on down below. Truly upsetting to know that something amazing could be happening and it’s just out of your reach.
How I learned to Orgasm on Demand
I know because I have been there and I went through years of frustration. I felt empty because my vagina wasn’t doing what I knew it could. My doctor had dismissed me “You are just anorgasmic” she said, “Get on with your life”. Well I was getting on with my life, and my life was incomplete. I felt like inside me was a void; as if a part of my feminine experience was missing.
When I look back at my approach to my own body and to sexual relations, it’s hardly a wonder that I wasn’t feeling anything. Like most people, my sex education was at best inadequate, at worst harmful. I didn’t understand my body, my pleasure, and if anything, my experience of sexuality was always clouded with this undertone of guilt and shame.
Orgasm is about female power
But then, generally in life, I had no idea what I wanted, and if I did, I wouldn’t have known how to say it. Like most women I was brought up to be obedient. I acquiesced to the constant message that life was all about men, because I didn’t know any different. While public figures like Madonna and Thatcher attracted a dizzying excitement in me, they were met with so much disapproval around me. I didn’t dare to praise them.
When I started to have sex, I wanted to break free from this social conditioning, and yet I had no idea how to. I thought that lots of sex would fulfill me. In reality it just left me with a hollow feeling in my vagina. At some point I realised I had a problem, but it took me several years to figure out what to do.
Take Control of your Body
What I needed to do was take back control of my body and of my life.
How often do you ask your body what she wants? Do you ask your vagina what she wants?
I’ll be honest to you about my bad habits, because they are such a common thing that most women do without even being aware. In fact, it took me a lot of soul searching even to admit how messed up it all was.
I mean, where do we get our idea of sex from? More or less, it’s fed to us by a porn industry that glorifies the male and his ejaculation. It objectifies the female. But let’s be honest, this isn’t sex that feels great for men either, it’s just what looks good on camera.
Know what You Want
Because I didn’t know what I wanted; I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted or how to vocalise what I didn’t want. I had zero trust in my own judgement and gut instinct. As a result, I basically saw myself as a hole for my partner to ejaculate into. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy, but he didn’t know any better either. We were just following the social norms.
In a sense, I was engaging in sex in a way that was abusing my own body. I wasn’t having sex, I was letting it happen to me. Something was being pushed inside me, going back and forth, and I was thinking “Is this it?”
The huge turning point came for me when I started to create a relationship with my vagina. I started to meditate with her, take time with her, and ask her what she wanted. As I started to do this, I began to realise that my vagina didn’t just want things being shoved inside her. She had a life and mind of her own!
How the Vagina Works
Let’s look into the mechanics of how our vagina’s work. The vagina is an orifice in the pelvic floor, in other words, a network of muscles and tendons. There’s a large and sensitive band of tissues that make up the clitoris network. However, the clitoris is greedy and by focusing just there we deny the rest of our sexual tissues their share of pleasure.
The whole exterior of the vagina is capable of a multitude of pleasurable sensations. One of the exercises that really got things going for me was to put my whole hand over my vagina and massage in circles, first clockwise then anti-clockwise for around 5 minutes in each direction.
I realise now that what I was doing was taking that juicy energy from the clitoris and spreading it all around.
Your Vagina has a mind of it’s own
However the biggest breakthrough came when a meditation teacher told me that before having sex, I should ask my vagina what she wanted. The idea blew my mind. Let’s be honest, I grew up in a culture that told me that once I made him horny and he wanted it, I had better let him have it.
Is this attitude ruining our sexual pleasure? How much does the pandemic of anorgasmia have to do with the prevailing attitude that sex is all about the male? Does our reticence, embarrassment, shame, our refusal to stand up and say, “I want this and I am going to have it”, contribute to our collective sexual numbness?
Have as many orgasms as you want
We all have different bodies and different vaginas. There are dozens of techniques that can help you get your orgasms, but the point is that you need to get them. You need to experiment, explore, and say I like this, and not that.
When it comes to our bodies, we have the absolute right to demand what we want. By enduring to please, we literally are suffocating our pleasure.
It’s time to get back into our bodies and find out what we want, and it’s time to find our voices to speak our desires.