How to Cure Sex Addiction

Are you looking to find out how to cure sex addiction?  Are you wondering if you have it, or if indeed it’s real?  In this blog, I will explore the phenomenon of so-called sex addiction, if it even exists, and indeed what you can do if you feel you are a slave to your sexual energy.

Does Sex Addiction Actually Exist?

Sex addiction is in many ways a strange term because having sex is one of the most natural and healthy things you can do.  Having a partner that can meet us sexually is a great way to remain physically and mentally healthy.  Indeed, lots of great sex is a good thing.

Yet what about when your desire for sex becomes an overwhelming need that isn’t being met?  Perhaps you are just failing to find the right partner to meet your needs.  Maybe you just don’t feel satisfied by your partner?

how to cure sex addiction

Is Sex Addiction a Real Thing? If so, What’s the Cure?

Whilst sex addiction clearly is a phenomenon, how to define it might not be so clear.  What is one’s partner doesn’t like sex as much as we do, and we feel frustrated?  Perhaps another partner would fulfil our needs and then there wouldn’t be a problem.  Perhaps one person’s sex addiction is another’s experience of pleasure?

How Do you Define Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction can be defined as the inability to manage one’s own sexual behaviour and there are many aspects to it.  The extreme end is sex crimes, rape and paedophilia are good examples.  But what if our partner says no and we pester them?  What if we don’t respect other’s boundaries and push for what we want, knowing that they may not be fully into it?

Part of sex addiction is the phenomena of porn addiction.  It’s fair to admit that the porn industry actively seeks out to lure and hook people in form a young age.  Many children start to use it around ten years old and it is their main sex education.  Sex therapists often promote porn as being educational and healthy, and yet there is little in porn that teaches about normal healthy sex, let alone how to understand a woman or how to have a relationship.

Porn addiction can become a barrier to forming a relationship because what it portrays is simply so unreal.  Real life relationships involve disagreements, tears and arguments.  These are facts of life that growing up is part of learning how to deal with.  Porn provides a one-dimensional sexual reality where the other is an object for us to use for our gratification.

Understanding What is a High Sex Drive and How To Manage It

What about a person with a high sex drive?  Does this equate to addiction?  If a person has the social skills to obtain the sex they want without causing harm, is this addiction?  Is this any different from a user of heroin who has a good job and pays for their habit which no one may even know about?

I shy a little away from the term sex addiction because it immediately attaches a lot of guilt to sex.  What if the problem is just that we are conditioned to feel guilty about sex, but what we are doing is not causing harm?

I find it difficult to define sex addiction in any case.  It is easiest if we we look at the results of our sexual behaviours.  We may not be raping, but what if we are simply using others for our own gratification and hurting them?  What if there is unwanted pregnancy or diseases?

Is Love the Way To Cure Sex Addiction?

When I think of sex-addiction I think of sex that is devoid of love.  In terms of masturbation, am I self-pleasuring with feelings of self-love or am I abusing myself?  Do I respect my body, my sexual energy, or am I just attempting to rid my body of frustration?  Is it a true act of pleasure or just frustration?

In terms of having sex with another, my main question to myself is, is this an act of love?  What if I am horny and my partner says no?  Love dictates that I must respect this, I must respect them, and I must not either act passively aggressively or take revenge on them for my frustration.

Using Tantra and Taoism To Cure Sex Addiction

In terms of Tantra and Taoism,  you can  understand sex addiction as an energy block.  According to these traditions, our sexual energy starts in the perineum and travels up the centre of our bodies and into our hearts and heads.  In our hearts, the energy creates love and in our heads the energy can lead to enlightenment.

Energy blocks are caused by emotions that get stuck in our bodies.  For example, feelings of guilt and shame around sexuality often will get stuck around our pubic bone as our bodies become tense when we feel aroused.  This blocks the energy from its natural path and pushes it down, resulting in premature ejaculation in men and anorgasmia in women.

Fear of loving can block our energy just under our hearts.  If we are afraid to love, it’s inevitable that sexual encounters will contain at least an element of abuse.  Because instead of having sex for love and connection with the other, we are doing it solely to satisfy an itch in ourselves.

Energy Blocks and the Link to Sex Addiction

If our energy is blocked, nonetheless this is not a reason to avoid intimacy.  By opening up to love, we can unblock the energy.  Of course, this is challenging.  For example, if we did experience infidelity, the prospect of loving again can be terrifying.  And yet it’s only by facing our fears that we can heal and find wholeness.

Sexual energy is an extremely powerful energy.  Running out of control, it literally can ruin lives and relationships.  The only way you can balance it’s power is through love.  I am a firm believer that all love starts with ourselves.  This doesn’t mean simply to put ourselves first, this means to give ourselves what we want.

Rather it means fulfilling our own needs.  It means being tender to ourselves, understanding ourselves and giving ourselves time to heal.  It means having good food, time with nature and the stimulation that we need to fulfil our soul.

Although it may seem like a cliché, love really is the answer and it’s the cure.

 

 

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