Sex Education is one of the scariest things that we as parents have to do.  I am a sex coach and practice extreme sports and I will readily admit that.  It is one of the most intimidating things I have to do.  I also will admit that it’s exactly because I am a sex coach and I know the problems people face, that I realise how essential it is.

Sex is one of the most natural things in life.  You can’t deny it’s part of human nature.  But let’s not deny either that it’s also something that we have been taught to be uncomfortable with for generations. It’s hardly a surprise that we feel weird talking to our kids about it.

Our culture is totally awkward about sexuality.  On the one hand, it’s shoved in our faces at every opportunity.  On the other, we are told that it’s forbidden.  Our culture creates an enormous amount of energy around this dynamic of dirty and desire.  It creates a confused polarity which sits at the centre of what is quite accurately termed rape culture.

Teaching Our Children to have a Healthy Relationship with their Sexuality

When I look back on my childhood, I see my innocence and naivete mixed with the confusing messages I was being given.  I actually am astounded at how confusing it must have been for my past self.  My budding sensuality was a real thing that every child goes through.  However, in no way was I given tools or perspective to understand it in a healthy way.

Let’s be honest, as parents we are terrified of kids becoming sexual.  The sex education that we give reflects that, with it’s message of disease and abortion.  I won’t pretend to be perfect, I will freely admit feeling flutters of anxiety when my 8 year old asked me how two men have sex together.  However, I am now aware of the dangers of negative messaging.

In the past, messages of hell and damnation for feeling sexual pleasure had a sort of sway.  That’s because the Church had so much control, and there was no alternative media.  Today, we have children as young as ten regularly watching porn, not to mention plenty of overtly sexualised images children will be exposed to.

If You Don’t Give a Convincing Message, Porn is the Default Place for Sex Education

The message is clear: a consumer sex where others are objects for our gratification.  Specifically and perhaps unsurprisingly in a male dominated world, the message is that females are here for male pleasure and that sex is about their penis and their ejaculation.

It’s my maternal instincts to my daughter that make me realise I can’t let my fears overwhelm me.  I must be part of educating her in a way that she does not get sucked into this dynamic.  As a sex coach, knowing the attitude of many men to sex, I will do anything to make sure she does not become a hole for a man to masturbate inside.

I never want to imagine my daughter being degraded by a man.  Yet I cannot deny that she is growing up in a world where men are taught to degrade women.  I see parents all around me living in denial.  You cannot expect that by ignoring sex education your child will have a healthy relationship with their sexuality.  You need to bite the bullet and do your bit.

Sex Education For Your Daughter

Decent Sex Education is the Best Gift That you Can Give Your Daughter

Why We Need to Educate Our Daughters About Their Pleasure and Sexuality

Like any parent, I want my child to be happy.  I also consider myself to be fairly open minded, yet when it comes to sex, there’s this huge awkwardness that comes up.  Of course I am happy about talking about the hazards of sex, but when it comes to pleasure, I am terrified to say anything.

I am afraid of social condemnation.  There’s so much taboo around talking to children about sex, and understandably so.  The sexualisation of children is hugely harmful because it literally robs them of their childhood.  From a young age, girls are fed the message that their value is defined by their looks.  These messages are there whether we like it or not.

You Need to Teach Your Daughter Healthy Boundaries, Meaning make Her Happy to say No

One big question is, when to talk to our daughters about sex.  I am aware that with my daughter, how she will respond to sexual culture has a lot to do with her upbringing from a young age.  The old paradigm was that mothers would raise their daughters to be obedient and subservient.

In many ways, porn culture is still about this same paradigm.  I mean by this, it’s still got very little to do with female pleasure or female emancipation.  It’s setting our daughters up for a life that revolves around males and their pleasure.  By teaching your daughter from a young age to honour her body and her space, and to vocalise her desires, you are ensuring whe will not fall into this trap.

I encourage my daughter to speak her mind and to proudly stick to her opinions exactly because I want her to be an outspoken woman.  I want her to feel she can tell men what she wants and insist on it, be that in the bedroom or the boardroom.

Decent, Pleasure Based Sex Education is Essential For Our Daughters

When it comes to questions about the intricacies of sex, it’s pretty simple.  My approach is to tell her what she asks about.  I do not want to push information she is not ready for.  However, I do want to honour her requests for information.  Actually, I owe it to her.

I believe that the biggest taboo in sex education is telling girls about their pleasure.  You certainly won’t find it in porn, and boys are unlikely to know.  Female pleasure is hidden and much more subtle than males.  It’s essential that our daughters understand this.  Female pleasure needs to be explored extremely slowly and delicately.  Otherwise her potential for pleasure shuts down.

If they don’t know their own about their own pleasure, how can they instruct their boyfriend?  Do you trust a boy who probably watches porn to know about your daughter’s pleasure.  As mothers we must make sure that our daughters are strong enough to tell him what she wants.  We also need to make sire that she knows what she wants.

Our daughters should not be having rushed quickies in garden sheds.  The sensitive tissues of their pelvic floor need to be opened.  Rushed sex is so bad for the anatomy of teenage girls in particular.  Their bodies need to be honoured and respected or they will be setting themselves up for a lifetime of sexual and gynaecological issues.

Anorgasmia is a big issue for women.  That’s because women are taught to be sexually passive.  Of course, this means that a lot of sex in relationships is actually abusive.  I mean that if a man is having sex with my daughter just to make himself ejaculate, he is abusing her.

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