Signs you are an Abuse Magnet and How to Start Attracting Healthy Relationships. Abusive relationships are an easy cycle to get into. Perhaps you are in a relationship where you feel stuck and disrespected. Or maybe you find yourself going from one person to the next feeling mistreated.
Trust me I have been there. Being victimised is an easy pattern to get into. I am writing this blog because I have been in this cycle. In fact, I almost saw my life destroyed. I lost my creativity and my power. I was going nowhere like a rudderless ship at sea.
Where the Pattern of Abuse Magnet Starts
Mine started with my parents. You may well have ahd a similar experience. It often starts with the parent of the same gender as the people that we later form relationships. Typically it is with a girl and her dad.
Your relationship with your parents involves such a huge imbalance of power. Because of this, it is easy for a dynamic of abuse to develop. This can range from being put down to violence and sexual abuse.
If you grew up feeling that dynamic, it becomes a familiar environment. Familiarity equals liking. You would normally choose to stay in a familiar environment. You would only leave when that environment becomes so difficult to endure that you are forced to seek change.
A coping mechanism with living in an abusive environment is that you take on the victim persona. It’s an easy way to manage. Perhaps there was some acknowledgement of your victimisation and that felt really good. In all the horror, you wanted to keep that feeling. Maybe you saw other victims getting sympathy and you want that sympathy too. You literally want to feel safe and held by someone.
Coping Mechanisms and Seeking Reward
Whatever the reason, you continued to seek the reward that made you feel so good. Of course, the majority of this happens on a deeply subconscious level. You find yourself tossed in the storm and falling into situations where you are victimised again. You then seek out the recognition and sympathy that comes with being a victim. Trust me I have been there and this is why I can write about it.
So fast forward to adulthood. When you leave home you don’t necessarily leave behind being the victim of your parents. Even if the abuse was really subtle, it’s a vibration that stays with you. If you don’t consciously change it, it will continue to dictate your life.
One of the first things that will get you into trouble is being desperate for love, acceptance, or even sex. People feel your desperation. Subconsciously they feel that you are desperate because you don’t deserve it.
I was still in shock about what happened to me as a child. Stuck in flight of fight I was not looking where I was going. I walked out of the frying pan and into the fire.
How to Recognise If You Are in the Abuse Magnet Cycle
If you recognise this in yourself or your friend don’t judge yourself. It is an easy pattern into because in childhood you did not receive healthy rewards. You did not experience what children need to develop in a healthy way.
You did not develop healthy boundaries.
Don’t judge yourself but observe and learn, unfolding the pattern. Do this until you understand it and can choose what kind of relationship that you want.
When a child is emotionally abused and their self esteem is damaged, they start to experience intense and overwhelming emotions. These emotions start to create an energetic vibration. You will attract those vibrations. Like attracts like.
You know, know that kid in school that everyone picked on. Maybe it was you. It was me too. That’s because I was literally vibrating at a frequency of a victim. So that’s what I attracted.
While you are vibrating at the frequency of victim you will be attracting people with the same vibrations. This gets really problematic. You will attract a person who feels like they are the victim. This means that they are likely to project the abuser onto you, and treat you accordingly. So the cycle continues.
Learn to Attract What you Are Looking For
This is the psychology and energetics of it. It may sound depressing to you. But I don’t want you to feel like like you are stuck in a hopeless situation. I promise that there is a way out.
When you start to recognise what is happening, you can start to turn the tables on the situation.
When you are stuck in victim persona you will lack self-esteem. You will not be feeling self-love. When you change this dynamic you have the key. You are free to start moving out of abusive cycles.
You can start to love yourself. Sure, it can be a long process but it’s about shifting your energy. If you grew up with emotional abuse you are likely to be critical of yourself. Perhaps you are projecting the love you should be giving to yourself onto others. Are you giving it to the the wrong people? That’s exactly what I used to do.
Become aware of how you evaluate yourself. Do you judge yourself a lot? Ask yourself if another person did that same thing, would you judge them in the same way? Do you really want to be judged like that? Is it helping you?
We are all learning and growing by making mistakes, it’s a lifelong process. Go easy on yourself. Start to forgive yourself. Accept who you are. Indeed, embrace every part of yourself. There is nothing for you to feel embarrassed about.
You Magnetise Abuse because it’s What you Feel You Deserve
You magnetise abuse because it’s what you FEEL they deserve. It’s not what you think, it’s what you feel.
Look at yourself and ask what you are attracting:
- Are you overly critical of yourself?
- Do you accept it if others shout at you (nobody should be shouting at you).
- Do you believe that others are better than you?
If you are lacking in self love, there are two questions you can ask yourself: Are you inviting love to yourself? If you can’t give love to yourself can you really give it to another?
When you are stuck in the depths of the cycle of lacking self love it’s a common response to give all our love away to others. Then you are left with nothing. I am telling you, I have been there, bought the T-shirt and lost everything.
You might be resisting this because of things you were told as a child, not to be selfish, to give to others. It’s time to throw these thought patterns out the window. Demand what you want. You deserve it.
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself. In fact it only is when you are so full of self love that it is overflowing that you can give love to others in any meaningful way. That is how to get the loving relationship that you want. Embrace yourself. All your quirks and weirdness.
So love yourself, pamper yourself and find the healing you need. I don’t mean get your nails done, forget about the surface and go deep into your core. You can massage and acupuncture, learn yoga and tai chi. From these things, your inner strength and beauty will shine out.